RELIGION SCHMRILIGION

As we already know, 100% of wars fought, do so in the name of religion (not including wars that involve 'the wild west' because we also know they are all financially motivated) I'm talking about wars based om beliefs and not greed.

I live in west central Scotland, just a hop, skip and a jump away from the land of Leprechauns, shamrock, Guinness, horses running through council estates, toothless simpletons, people with eyebrows on their cheeks, badly tarmacced drives ? in this country, men in platform shoes being arrested for bombings, lots of rocks, and Beamish. So it goes without saying there is a high proportion of catholic impersonators around these here parts.

I know dozens of people who call themselves catholics, but I've yet to meet anybody who actually follows catholocism, or who even follows their own miss-guided interpretation of catholocism. So I thought, wouldn't it be great if the middle-east could follow religion with the apathy we westernes seem to?

People aren't what they say they are, what they say they are is merely what they would like to be. They want the status without the hard work... just look at your politicians... they all promise less crime, less tax, better health service et al... 50 years of that shit and we're still a million miles away from it... we can afford it as a country... it's just political parties can't afford it. If we did manage to create the utopian society we all crave, there would be nothing to campaign against, it's got clockwork orange written all over it... a real horror show my little droogies.. YES!

In reality, people just want to be needed, or just need to be wanted... however you like to put it, call it saftey in numbers, call is heard mentality... so, with these facts in mind... people from various religions, beliefs, backgrounds are all essentially the same, aren't we?

I can understand that geography has made the middle east a volitile region with earthquakes, volcanos etc and that thousands of years ago people didn't know about earth plate movements and I suppose without the benefit of all the accumulated knowledge we have at our disposal today I can imagine (at a stretch) how these geographical phenomon could be mistaken for an ANGRY GOD and result in more committed followers... that's fine.... I would just like to see that same committment when following the 'love everybody' part.

love letter to anonymous

My Dearest Darling Anonymous comment leaver. Has it really been two days since you left your message of praise for me to find in your absense, has it really only been two days?

NO, it's been 6 hours, and if you leave any more and attach links to your sponsor sites, I'll delete them all.

Kapeesh?

Love as always

Your beloved blog master

Charles Darwin said:

"I have called this principle, by which each slight variation, if useful, is preserved, by the term Natural Selection."

I was thinking about this theory the other day as I watched COPS (of all things) and I realised that these COPS, these enforcers of the law, who by virtue of their uniform or their GUNS are regarded as higher beings, either morally or in relation to their 'clients' by intelligence and strength (in numbers) after all the police force is the largest gang in the world... and anybody who wants power that badly should not be allowed it... but that's a whole other blog.

as a side note... have you ever noticed that the cops always shout to the suspect "get on the ground, GET ON THE GROUND" as though they are levitating just above ground level, like a cute little humming bird.. that err... just stabbed somebody... and once this gravity defying suspect is in custody (and this bit really annoys me) they exchange sentences littered with double negatives.

cop: you don't got no weapons or no drugs on you do you?
humming bird: no man! I don't got nothing on me!

So back to my point... Darwins notion of survival of the fittest is as bullshit today as it was 100 years ago.... therefore I have taken the liberty of evolving his idea and re-wording it as follows (as you will remember I am a generous fool). "survival of the smartest". Y'see, the human race has evolved more in the last 100 years than in the 100,000 years before it. reality tv placates us, computers make us lazy, and junk food weakens us... to be the strongest nowadays is no mean feat, and I may be playing into a stereotype here (but so what it's my blog and I'll twist the truth so suit my nonsense if I want to) but if you have ever watched the documentary series of films that tackle the issue of revenge of the nerds, you will know that the nerds always triumphs and becomes the jocks boss down at the tire factory.

Trust me, I know this for a fact....I'm fortunate enough to have the brain of a nerd and the body of a jock (Y'smell that?)

Violet is todays colour of tangent

READ THIS IF YOU WORK IN A COFFEE SHOP

I'm not one to tell others how to do their jobs... but if you work in a coffee shop, I'd like to take this oppertunity to tell you how to do your job. to put it simply, I'd like to remind Y'all that there is a difference between a latte and a cappuccino.

So while you ponder the error of your ways.. remember this also... do not automatically overload my cap with chocolate powder. I've lost count of the number of times I've watched my cappuccino turn to a lattee and then a hot chocolate in the space of 20 seconds. Here's a tip.. offer chocolate by all means, but also offer cinnimon or hazelnut etc... after all, people are paying top-dollar and it wouldn't kill you to sprinkle a little service on top.

Oh, and while I'm at it, if I return my choco-latte and ask you to make the cappuccino I requested, don't moan about it... it's not my fault.

this one below just looks like some kind of a dirty protest. who on earth would order this?

hmmm Whaddya know, I am one to tell others how to do their jobs after all... what's with that?

DO DRUGS DO DRUGS DO DRUGS

who can tell me what school drug education consists of these days?... when I was a schoolie I knew nothing about drugs (apart from what I learned on the A-Team) it went something like this... YOUR GOVERNMENT HAS TOLD YOU NO TO DO DRUGS.. and we pretty much didn't. It was a simple as that.

I didn't know ANYbody who was on drugs back then. NOW with all the information and education we have available today, we seem to have much more drug users in our society. So I'm asking you... does ignorance breed blissful communities?

Without going into all the supposed factors contributing to junkie-ness, such as poverty, unemployment, family background, lack of education, more drugs available and all the others we are told are the cause, not to mention all the wasted tax dollars spent trying to clean matters up. They all highlight what we know already ... Politicians are completely out of touch with the pockets of society they are merrily pledging our cash to.

Rather than having the same old commercial of the stereotypical friendless drug user (played by that actor who used to be in that program) with no money.. because lets' face it, HOLLYWOOD will hump any government sponsored anti-drug campaign every time.

"HEY HEY HEY" I hear you say "why so pessimistic?, that's not like you"

Don't worry my children... I wouldn't spread all this doom and gloom without having a solution on hand, Y'know that. Where as your government will find new and inventive ways of wasting your money all in the name of ridding your streets of crack, smack, H, speed, PCP, acid, ecstasy and goof-balls, making no difference whatsoever... I have a solution that will be infinately more effective yet costing you (the tax payer and devoted reader of my blog) nothing.

Rather than sending government funded drug advisors to receite the government of the days schpeel to school kids on the perils of drug abuse... I suggest we send this burd (see below) around every school in the country and force all the children to listen to her tale... AND.. this is the clincher.. we could line the kids up.. blindfolded (that's not cruel.. so don't start) and we force them to run their smooth little fingers along her arms... (ok so that part is a little bit cruel... but I think you'll agree the ends justify the means in this case)

WITHOUT FURTHER A-DO

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
BE SEATED

AND BEHOLD

FOR I BRING TO YOU

JUNKIE

HERE ENDITH THE BLOG

TONY BLAIR GUILTY OF GROOMING CHILDREN

Y'know, having a child has made me examine society from a whole new perspective. How often do we hear the news that 26 people die in a suicide bomb attack, but even more tragic that that, one of them was a... wait for it.... a 'kid'.

The media tell us to feel positive when youth offenders are 'treated' to rehabilitation holidays on johnny taxpayers dime because they are becoming productive members of society, but if that rehabilitation dollar is spent on a non-child we should be.. for want of a better word.. gutted.

YOUR GOVERNMENT promise to invest more of your money on treating juvinile drug users, because they have 'an illness' and need your support.. but don't you dare contract this illness if you are over 18, unless you want the support of your new cell mate BIG STAB!

If I had to say what I think is going on here, and before you say "you're just cynical", let me say "I'm not" but if I had to say what I think is going on here, I would say that the governemt have cultivated a society where children listen less and less to their parents.. meanwhile they are waiting in the wings with the preverbial bag of candy ready to keep them kiddies sweet until such time they start voting for this generous uncle-like figure, at which point they will be cut loose like their parents before them.

All people in the world (for the sake of this blog I'll use UK) all people in the UK should be treated equally. You either invest in people of all ages or you don't bother. Why should we welcome investment in 20% of the population without asking what about the other 80%?

Call me crazy.. no infact don't call me that.. I don't like it... but I for one will not be allowing any government to raise my daughter in their image. This government... a government so corrupt both morally and professionally, YET still so drunk on their power they actually believe themselves to be suitable role models for 'our children'... well "they're not"

role model?

.

I would think not

deputy prime minister of UK John Prescott (had lots of affairs)

no really.. he did

honestly.. him

I'm serious

no joke

him

Due to popular demand I am reluctantly putting some of my scribbles on this here blog-o-mine. This is a typical example of the emails I've been receiving requesting, infact begging me to put some drawings on here.

"dear handsome and talented blog master, you mention in your profile that you are a pretty good artist, please would you be so kind as to let us bask in your talent and modesty" *

* no such email requests have been received to date.

P.S. has anybody picked up on the few lines from movies I have used throughout this blog I wonder.

either I've got too much time on my hands or I'm a blog-aholic...


it must be the latter...


I drink about 3 bottle of 'blog' per day

YOU RACIST!!!

Boy oh Boy, nothing brings out the racism in the media like international sports events, particularly those who's aim is to STAMP OUT RACISM in sports... kinda makes you wonder if all higher powers are institutionally racist... at least, that's what I took from recent BBC's coverage of the world cup and Wimbledon.

All neighbouring towns, cities, countries and solar systems have rivalries, it's probably in our DNA to compete in order to push ourselves to achieve, thereby advancing the entire human race to a higher level.

ANYway, Jack McConnell, Scotlands first minister... Publicly stated he was supporting Trinidad & Tobago in the 2006 world cup finals, partly due to the rivalry thing we have already discussed, partly due to them being the underdogs and because they have Jason SCOTLAND playing for them and as Scotland the country did not qualify, we can in a sense still support Scotland.

This is the response he received from the TIMES newspaper no less.

"World Cup snub by Scots leader 'fuels anti-English racism

'By David Lister, Scotland Correspondent

AN ENGLAND football fan living in Scotland blamed the countryÂ’s First Minister yesterday for stoking anti-English racism after his windows were smashed because he was displaying the St GeorgeÂ’s flag.

Amid rising fears that Scotland may be boycotted by tourists from south of the Border over Jack McConnell's refusal to support England in the World Cup, Allan Robinson, 44, accused the First Minister of putting English people living in Scotland at risk..."

Leaving aside for one second that question 'would you rather have a political leader who speaks honestly or one who speaks only what you want to here, and who secretly believes the opposite?' and leaving aside that fact that we live in a democracy and we are free to support whichever side we like, and let's also leave David Lister aside (if that is her real name ((see red dwarf))) for the time being and let's move seamlessly onto the beeb.

Once England were knocked out of the world cup for playing like a bunch of one legged geriatrics, I personally heard a bbc news reader's candid reaction to this as "well as long as the Germans don't win".

Let's get it straight shall we... Jack McConnell said he was supporting Trinidad and Tobago, that is not Anti-English... only the British media would describe a man supporting a foreign team as a racist.. does that seem a little contrary to anyone else but me?

Forget the invisible lines that have been drawn on a map, forget the bodies of water that separates the patches of dirt we live on, forget the colour of peoples skin and the languages they speak... there is only one human race and it was a team of human beings he was supporting the last time I checked.

So please STOP making up news stories and report what is real... what's with you already?

As Y'all know... sorry, scratch that ALL, there's only a couple of people who actually read this rubbish and I believe I've managed to offend one of them, in my defense though, he is a vegetarian and we all know they're not the hardest bunch to offend, and it was completely unintentional, I have never tried to wind anybody up on purpose.

As you know (my one true remaining friend) I have a lovely little baby and as all parents do, I tend to worry about every aspect of her life and I'll do whatever it takes to help her lead a full and happy life. My wife and I have opened a savings acocunt for her education, we've planned music lessons (she's going to be a musician Y'see), ballet class (she's going to be a dancer Y'know), golf lessons (she'll be a golf pro too)... ANYway, my point is this.

This young chap is Sydney Devine and I grew up listening to his music, and looking back I think it has influenced my life. When I was a teenager and all my freiends were listening to Debbie Gibson* I was listening to Jimmy Barnes, John Farnham & the Jayhawks... my frinds are all either dead, in jail or drug addicts**

There's a point in there somewhere but I've either forgotten it or... lousy short term concentrati... HEY did I ever tell you about the time I drove to Dundee in my bare feet?

.

.

.

* I have all Debbie Gibsons CD's

**none of them are deceased, jailed or addicted to drugs

Disclaimer

Well folks, you were right, it was inevitable, Y'all warned me when I started this blog, you said it would happen, but I didn't listen, like the optimistic son of a gun that I am. But you were right all along, next time I'll listen to you, boy oh boy I'll listen to you next time. The pseudo sensitive have taken offense to what I, me, a perfect stranger types on a screen and decided to voice their disagreement in the only way they know how... by instigating petty arguements, which is fine and dandy, but get this, they're even using my blog to do it... the swines!!

If you don't like what you read here, that's okay. Go somewhere else. I'm not in the market to argue or debate with every disagree-er that surfs my way.

I am personally uber-bored with people who define themselves by what they are against, How about for a change, they do something productive and be for something, anything, just something.

"Hi what do you do?"

"well I'm against hunting and people drinking alcohol, and eating meat, and this and that... and well basically I'm against anything that the banning of wouldn't affect me in the slightest.... how about you?"

"me? dear reader, well since you ask, I'm only against.... you"

Y'see folks, I might rant away on here for 10 minutes at a time, call it my therapy if you will, but p-p-p-p-please don't get the impression I'm only like this, because that would be 99% wrong. There are millions of other sites on this here internet far more deserving of your precious time, so please don't let me keep you from them.

I wonder if I've made myself clear enough?... ho hum.. time will tell.

memo to all vegetarians: chicken & fish are not vegetables

who's ever seen the film FACE OFF with Nicholas Cage?... or perhaps you've just seen it with your friends. No matter who you saw it with... it got me to wondering if two people could realy switch identities like that?

I know it's just a film so there is absolutely no possibly way anything like that could EVER happen..ever .... is there?

Meet Tony the prime minister of the United Kingdom

He's ordered the death of innocent people allegedly, he's not a bad man... he's only doing his job* allegedly

Now meet BONO the rock star

He has raised millions for the poor and starving of the world. Has lobbied tirelessly to cancel 100bn (that's one hundred billion folks) in third world debt and not only that, he's also given us rattle & hum.

*I do not mean to imply that BONO randomly kills innocent people, or any people for that matter, nor do I mean to imply that Tony Blair has ever performed life changing acts of compassion, or any acts of compassion for that matter. I don't even know what the point of this entry is... it's just weird is all. That we look to our rock stars and not our elected leaders in order to make real political change.

IS KEIRA KNIGHTLY TOO THIN?

NO SHE ISN'T!!

I'm fed up (pardon the pun) of hearing the media asking whether or not celebs are too this or too that. STOP MAKING UP NEWS and start reporting what is actually NEW in the world. Keira may be thin, that doesn't mean she is anorexic.

Here's the REAL news folks... some people are thin! they are not anorexic, they're just thin. They're not dying, they're just thin. They're not protestors on hunger strike (well some of them are) but usually they're just thin.

We are allowing the media to perpetuate what is one of the few remaining socially accepted prejudices by buying their rags. Look out your windows folks and open your eyes, there are thin people everywhere.

One minute we're all obese and destined for the coronary wards, then as soon as we start doing something about it we're criticized again. WHAT'S WITH THAT ALREADY?

Speaking of the the Tree Hugging Sandal wearing brigade...

I went to the coffee shop the other day for a Tuna Swiss and the moron behind the counter, sorry I mean the barista!!! reminded me that they only use dolphin friendly tuna. "I don't care" says I, as I already know all about the dolphin/tuna debate and yet I decide to have the sandwich.
"well a lot of people only eat dolphin friendly because it forces fishermen to change their nets in order to not trap the poor cute little dolphins.. blah blah blah... cos it's cruel"

Here's the deal folks... you either eat animals or you do not eat animals, that is if animal cruelty is your issue. The tuna fish may not be as aesthetically pleasing as the dolphin or the koala or the panda bear. So does that mean it's less cruel to kill and eat it?

All animals kill other living species, what makes you think the human is any different? because we wear hats, drive cars and waste our time writing blogs? or is it because we kill our own kind for reasons other than survival?

This blog was brought to you by all the tasty dolphins in the sea.


P.S. is it red or white wine with baby seal?